CORPORATE CACKLE

 

Corporations invent their own corporate language the way lawmakers invent legalese.
As a result, neither can communicate properly.
The thinking behind it is that if they can make the wording as complicated & esoteric as possible, nobody will really understand what it is they are meaning, and this confusion/ignorance will give them the advantage.
So corporations all use the same phrases, descriptions & catch-words for their world as lawyers & courts do for theirs.
As a result, both sets end up like babbling buffoons not able to string a meaningful sentence together.
Not being able to communicate is a major fail.
A self-defeat brought about by being dim and distant, this being why they need such jargon to cowardly hide behind in the first place.

GG

GONNA DO SOMETHING...EVENTUALLY

 

Gonnado's are the new Wannabe's.
I'm gonna do this.
We're gonna do that.
Well don't just keep on saying it - go do it..!!

GG

GLOBAL WARMING

 

Inuits readjust to climate change.

GG

MYTHS IN THE MIX 3

 

If Dracula can't see his reflection in a mirror, how does he manage to stay clean shaven?

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MYTHS IN THE MIX 2

 

If Medusa went to a medical centre because she suffered dreadfully from hissing in her ears, would she be diagnosed as having tinnitus?

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MYTHS IN THE MIX 1

 

It can get quite confusing with mythical figures if we placed them in present day life.
For instance, if a centaur was wounded by an arrow - would we phone for an ambulance or a vet?

GG

WORKING IT OUT

 

a) Doctor = quack.
b) Psychiatrist = shrink.
c) Building tradesman = cowboy.

These are derogatory terms that are in common use.
What has caused these "scoundrel" descriptions to attach to their professions in the first place?
Well, we all know, don't we.
If only they did their jobs properly..!!

How is it possible to respect professionals who...
a) Get the bird.
b) Make patients feel small.
c) Get money for old rope.

GG

EMERGENCY BONUS

 

As was displayed during the plandemic, some medical staff prefer to take care of their salary than take care of their patients.

GG

OFF-ROADING

 

Medics have so much fun at skateboarding accidents..!!

GG

SHOWBOATING

 

Modern footballer in training..!!

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IT'S A NO WORLD RECORD

 

Sports federations are trying to change competitors from being an athlete to becoming an ath-cheat.

In trying to normalize ath-cheats, the federations have to clumsily knock down many hurdles along the way.

Amusing to see the organizers be as unsporting as the ath-cheats they are trying to promote.

It's as if they've introduced boomerang throwing as a sport, as it backfires from Olympics to Show-lympics to No-lympics.

All that for valueless prizes from meaningless games.

GG

REGGAE ROYALTY

 

Prince Hammer - King Tubby - Prince Far I - King Jammy.

These are well known names connected to the Jamaican reggae scene.

Their royal titles however - how did they manage to achieve the status of Kings & Princes?

Was it by ceremonial protocol?

Did they have these titles assigned to them because of their royal bloodlines?

Would we need to bow & curtsy if we met them?

No, is the answer to all 3.

They were just status titles they decided to use, and that was it, as simple as that.

Exactly the same as supposed real royalty, only the supposed real ones have been play-acting it out for so long, everyone thinks it's real..!!

Otherwise, the reggae version would be officially judged as unlawul.

It would be a criminal offence for anyone to use royal titles other than monarchy.

They would be prosecuted for using royal titles under false pretenses.

So there you have it - royal titles - just something frivolous for role-playing.

Not confirmation of someone's superiority.

GG

FOTO FIT

 

I have observed that many websites can't figure out what images to display to convey what it is the website is presenting, and so they end up just sticking any random photo on.
For example, on the home page of bank websites they have photos of...
Someone sitting on a sofa drinking coffee.
Someone having a stroll along a beach.
Parents in the countryside holding their kid up in the air.
None of these images have got anything to do with visiting a bank.
Their ATM's are similar - one I used recently had a portrait of a golden retriever dog..!!
Absolutely no connection whatsoever with processing a bank transaction.
Just words would be OK - but if they are this desperate to have an image to represent their business, then their logo would be sufficient, or an illustration depicting money.
Nothing else is needed.

GG

PIPE DOWN!

 

When we buy food items such as pies, slices, pasties and similar, the packaging usually states they are "ready to eat cold but may also be eaten hot".

These are "chilled" items, not frozen, and they then give the heating instructions which is normally something like, in the oven for 20 mins at 180°.

However, it goes on to advise that we need to "Check food is piping hot" after it has been heated.

This is false information.

If the items are ready to eat cold in the first place, then they only need to be warmed up until they are pleasantly palatable.

We can't eat piping hot food because it burns the tongue & roof of the mouth, which is why we always need to leave it to cool down for a while until it is pleasantly palatable.

10 minutes in oven is sufficient.

Why don't the manufacturers actually try out their own products first before printing their instructions?

GG

IT'S A DEAL...ISH

 

Is it good news that French farmers have been successful with their recent protests against their government & EU policies?

It was the Farmers Union who stepped in and did the negotiations with the French government, with the Union then instructing the farmers to end the protest.

However, why did the Farmers Union allow it to reach as far as it did in the first place?

Why didn't they notice the problems the Government enforced upon the farmers every step of the way?

Why didn't they step in from the start to avoid farmers having to protest?

Why have they settled for a deal that requires waiting for an untrustworthy government to implement the negotiation details later?

It seems more like a delay tactic than a solution.

A delay that will favour an untrustworthy government, which gives the impression that the Union work for the government, not the farmers.

Time will tell.

GG

FOR VALENTINES DAY

 

Cupid gets an upgrade..!!

GG

MY CARD

 

When buying shoes, standard sizes vary depending on which brand it is.

So what would happen if we applied this concept to everything else?

GG

OUT OF ORDER

 

Another thing about these self-service checkout machines is, they've been programmed by idiots who don't understand business requirements.

Once you've finished paying for the items you've just scanned in, the screen pops a fake question onto the screen.

It asks "Would you like a receipt?" - then it gives you 10 seconds to press yes or no, and if you run out of time because you're busy organizing things such as bags, money and the items purchased, it decides it's a no for you.

Asking if you'd like a receipt is a fake question because when you buy something, a receipt is the part of the transaction that confirms you've purchased it.

The receipt procedure is an official business settlement, it's not an optional extra like how the check-out machines are presenting it.

Imagine if the machine asked "Would you like your change?".

The receipt, like your change, should be presented to you without question.

If you then leave without a receipt, because you've been busy getting organised rather than looking at screen instructions, you can't return any faulty goods because you need a receipt as proof..!!

The machines merely reflect the idiots who programmed them.

GG

RESPOND TO FAKE QUESTION

 

There are times, and quite regularly at that, when supermarket self-service checkout machines try and pass the blame onto customers when the machines malfunction.

It most often occurs when putting coins into the machines coin slot, only to discover the machine spits them back out again.

So the cycle of repeating this procedure until the machine accepts the coins goes on for a while.

When a certain amount of time has past and the machine still hasn't taken the coins inside, it puts a message up on screen and also asks audibly "Do you wish to continue?".

It tries to assert that the customer trying to put coins in to pay for the goods, is the one causing the delay, when in fact it's the machine that's causing it.

This then leads to having to call for assistance to fix it or moving everything to a different machine and starting again.

GG

MODERN v ANCIENT

 

This being the 3rd decade of the 21st century, you'd think that hi-tech computer based cutting edge design concepts, would be an enjoyable everyday delight.

We ought to be surrounded by amazing breath-taking buildings with everyone interacting in a beneficial way that would confirm the wonderous progress we have made.

But nope - slums, mundane terraced housing and bland office blocks galore.

An occasional one-off token gesture landmark building plonked in the middle of a midden for people to be in awe of, is not progress.

It's like the ratio is, 1 impressive building designed on computer v 1,000,000 buildings designed on Etch-a-Sketch.

GG

IN A SPOT

 

It was probably when he had measles as a kid that triggered Damien Hirst's pharmaceutical obsession later in life.

GG

CAN I HAVE A SECOND OPINION

 

How do we know if someone supposedly has a split personality "problem" or if they are just merely acting?
Look at the problematic personalities actors portray.
What's the difference?

GG

NUMSKULL

 

Here's a healthy bit of advice - watch out for phoney health instructors.

There's lots of fakes on Social Media platforms who claim to be expert in this, that and the next thing.

I was watching (laughing at) a video of a supposed health instructor recently.

He placed his hand on the top-left part of his torso and started rubbing it in a circular motion.

He then stated this was an essential massage exercise for keeping your heart healthy and strong.

But he obviously didn't know anything about body parts.

He was merely rubbing his pectoral muscle - the chest being on the outside of the rib-cage, with the heart protected on the inside of the rib-cage.

Like, duh...imagine an expert not knowing that..!!

GG

THE BIZNESS MONSTER

 

The UK police force and courts are registered businesses.

They exist to make a profit, on par with your local newsagent.

They are not the public servants they claim to be, operating by public consent.

All constables swear an oath to the Crown, not to the public.

The crown is often referred to as "The Firm" - even by royalty.

The definition of "firm" is a business, company or business partnership.

The Firm and The Force = business partnership.

GG

ONE FOR THE ROAD

 

Steer clear of drink-drivers..!!

GG

WOKE TRAFFIC LIGHTS

 

If you see one of these, you'll know it's the end of the road..!!

GG

ROUND AND ROUND AND ROUND...

 

Man invents wheel.
Man invents road to use wheels on.
Man invents law for wheels to not be used on road.

GG

TIME TO SPARE

 

I find it rather strange that some people would prefer to queue up outside a Post Office for an hour, waiting for the doors to open, rather than join a long queue once it is open, which may take only 10 or 20 minutes standing in line before they get served. 

It's like they are convinced being first in the queue when it opens, after an hour's wait, is a time saver..!!

GG

WHAT DATE IS IT TODAY?

On a regular basis, I see food for sale that has a "BEST BEFORE" date stamped on the packaging.

However, the idea isn't getting done properly in certain areas.

For example, I've had this occur a few times - say it reads "BEST BEFORE 15 JANUARY 2024" on a pack of freshly made custard doughnuts in the bakery section of a supermarket.

Well the thing is, the bakery actually puts it on the shelf on the 15 January 2024, the day they're made.

So it's impossible to have it "before" the date they state..!!

It would have to be purchased on the 14th at the very latest to fit in with the instruction.

They would either have to have the custard doughnuts displaying a later date to the day they are made, or change the instruction to "MUST BE EATEN TODAY".

GG