CUTTING EDGE HUMOUR

 

It's 'round about now the media look back over the year's news stories.

What was the final count for "problems contrived v problems solved" I wonder?

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SKIRMISH IN THE SNOW

 

This neighbourly snowball fight started off as a friendly bit of fun - then soon escalated.!!

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THE DOOR TO NARNIA

 

Well we all know politicians live in a fantasy world..!!

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UP NORTH

 

Bespoke Northern Lights are an even rarer sight.

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ARCTIC ART AMUSEMENT

 

You could opt to just leave the book as it is or you can use a white pencil to colour it in.

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FOR FAT SAKE..!!

 

It's 'round about now, many fools favour the festive feasting of fancy foodstuffs.

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A VERY MERRY XMAS INDEED

 

This is one Christmas decoration you'll really enjoy recycling inside Rizla papers..!!

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CHRISTMAS CLIMATE CRISIS

 

The mainstream media just can't stop telling lies...!!

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GRAPH LAUGH

 

Wonder how many people buy Christmas trees in the January sales?

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CHRISTMAS RUSH

 

Don't leave it 'til the last minute to put your decorations up.

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SOLSTICE SLAP-UP MEAL

 

The shortest day of the year means having to cram in as much as possible during the least amount of daylight.
So what better way to free up some time than to have 4 meals at one sitting.
Breakfast, lunch, tea and supper all in one go.
That will then create a couple of spare hours to do other things.

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'SNOT WHAT YOU THINK IT IS

 

A bit of fun with a Monkees parody for the festive season.

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ILLUMINATED CHRISTMAS TREE

 

It depends on which definition of "illuminated" is used..!!

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CHRISTMAS POST

 

The festive season is when most of us tend to overindulge.

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WHICH SIGNATURE?

 

I'm the only person I know who has 2 different signatures.

What I mean by that is, I sign my name in 2 different styles, depending on what I'm signing.

I got this idea when I was in secondary school.

1st signature is a formal one, neat & tidy, with loops on the letter "G".

2nd signature is informal and is freer & looser with no "G" loops and a couple of fancy flourishes on other letters.

The 2 signatures are totally different to each other.

I'm not a schizophrenic, or a split personality, or dual identity or have any other psychological disorder.

I am of sound mind and the signatures are based on a certain logic.

The 1st signature I use for filling out official forms, signing bank cards, contracts, passport and other such authoritative paperwork.

The 2nd signature I use for signing greetings cards, writing personal letters, sending postcards and other such recreational correspondence.

I've been doing this for decades and there have been no problems.

The contrast can be simply explained.

It's the difference between going to school (& work) where we do what we are TOLD to do, and being at home where we do what we WANT to do.

The 2 situations are not the same thing.

The 1st one is based around acquiescence and the 2nd one is based on freedom.

For example, after school & work , we ditch our school uniform & workwear and change into our casual gear of our own choice.

We don't wear our school uniform or workwear 24/7 do we?

No, just a few hours a day.

That means the 2 situations (school & work) (homelife) are separate lifestyles.

Therefore the 1st signature is merely a procedural performance, whilst the 2nd signature is just being yourself.

The 1st was created by the establishment and the 2nd created by the real me.

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MARKET MUSE

 

When I go to the supermarket, I always have my headphones plugged into my MP3 player.

Although it's enjoyable to listen to music while shopping, it's not enjoyable listening to the dirge supermarkets play.

They usually end up using played-out commercial pop from many decades ago, or mind-numbing current corporate crap.

We're always being clobbered by authorities telling everyone to present ethnic diversity in everyday life, and although the supermarkets sell food from around the world, they don't play the music.

If ever my local supermarkets start to play Nigerian Afrobeat, Brazilian Samba, German Krautrock, Algerian Rai, Chicago Footwork, Jamaican Reggae, Detroit Techno and so on, then I may switch my MP3 player off and tune in.

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FOOD FOR THOUGHT

 

Why do people eat food that is rather unpleasant?

I don't mean grub that has gone off, I mean products that are specifically made with ingredients that produce a disagreeable reaction.

For example, sour sweets. 

They are virtually impossible to eat without screwing your face up. It's a very natural reaction, and yet we continue to finish off the sweets regardless of the facial contortions.

Or extremely hot peppers in curries and sauces.

They physically get you gasping for water & cold air, waving your hands towards your mouth trying cool it down, and yet we continue to finish the dish regardless of the ongoing discomfort. 

Why put up with this distress when you can very easily do without the products that cause it and favour foodstuffs that are pleasant instead.

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CHOCOLATE MONEY MAKES THE WORLD GO 'ROUND

 

The banks presently have got themselves into a disastrous mess due to their fantasy money games that didn't work in the real world.

If confectionery manufacturers had to make a product to reflect this over the festive period, it would consist of empty bags of chocolate money on shop shelves.

It's amusing that confectioners did manage to figure out how to make money from money, and yet the banks finance experts didn't..!!

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JEST IN SPACE

 

Oh joy, a new planet has been discovered..!!

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SELF PRESERVATION

 

Forget the scientific theorizing of physics ... there's something to be said for simple logic.

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THAT'S ABOUT THE SIZE OF IT

 

There isn't really a way in the written English language to denote a glottal stop.

For example, many people commonly drop the letters "T" & "R" when talking, especially certain UK accents.

A phrase like "a bottle of water" for instance would sound phonetically like "a boh'ul of woh'ah". 

Easy to say when talking but very tricky to write down with precision in order for it to be understood when reading.

So I think I may have devised a way to depict a glottal stop in it's written format.

Using the same phrase above as a demonstration - fill the gap where the "t" & "r" were dropped by having a small sized "t" & r" put in their place. As in - smaller in scale to the rest of the letters used in the phrase.

Physically writing it with pen on paper is easy, but typing it requires you having to use a much smaller font size solely for the "t" & "r" than is used for the rest of the letters in the phrase.

If typing out the phrase with a font size of 12 say, the "t" & "r" would need to be changed down to 8 or suchlike.

Thus - "a bottle of water".

I reckon it would be easy to understand that small sized letters displayed in this written manner represents a glottal stop pronunciation.

If it was officially adopted in standard English, a computer could have the equivalent of a special character for a small "t" & "r" and be introduced like punctuation marks, to save changing font size when typing.

An little idea for the English language experts suggestion box at least.

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PSYLENT LETTERS

 

Quite weird having silent letters in English words.

I mean, we know which ones are silent as a consequence of the learning process, which then normalises the words, but the concept itself is rather strange.

The "K" in KNIFE, "L" in CHALK, "B" in DEBT, "P" in PNEUMATIC etc.

Most are based on ancient adaptions, translations & pronunciations of borrowed words, but there are some examples where silent letters have deliberately been introduced.

You'd think that after centuries of usage, a more efficiently accurate way to spell words could be put in place (but not the phonetic way).

Nowadays, we have even taken to replacing words with letters & numbers, for example - R = ARE, U - YOU, 2 = TOO, T = TEA, 4 = FOR, 8 = ATE and you end up with message like "U R 2 L8 4 T".

Imagine how confusing silent numbers would be in arithmetic..!!

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ARE YOU BEING SARCASTIC?

 

Wonder why there are no punctuation marks to depict sarcasm?

For example, when we write the word "Wow" it expresses that we are most impressed with something.

However, we often use "Wow" in a sarcastic sense, meaning "Is that it?" when not impressed with something.

So to avoid misinterpretation, I think it's time a punctuation mark was invented for sarcastic comments.

Perhaps the Oxford English Dictionary should have a competition for the best squiggle design..!!

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CONFIRM YOU'RE NOT INTELLIGENT

 

It's quite amusingly ironic that certain authoritative agencies define themselves by using the word "Intelligence" in their title and work that they do.

They are often involved in deception, killing, propaganda, bribery, and other such duplicious behaviour, and for the worse rather than for the better.

Wrong decision making and subterfuge are not the definitions of intelligence.

As if that's not enough, dum-dums have invented Artificial Intelligence.

However, these bots merely reflect all the failed traits of the dum-dums who programmed them.

Internet AI is specifically set up to censor, silence, block and hoodwink the general public.

This social subterfuge is also not the definition of intelligence.

It's a problem that requires the real definition of intelligence to solve.

Meanwhile, to highlight it, I suggest we name it correctly by replacing the letters AI with ASS - Artificial Social Subterfuge.

Now the bots can go make an ass of themselves, and be the butt of everyone's joke...!!

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JABBER JABBER JABBER...

 

There used to be a UK law going under the name of Trade Descriptions Act.

This then changed to a new name a few decades later when UK was in the EU, but it remained more or less the same law.

It was set up to prosecute companies who made false claims about their products when advertising, or the on the packaging information.

Why haven't there been any court cases with those who deployed the supposed "Safe and Effective" Covid vaccine, using the present equivalent of the Trade Descriptions Act?

Thousands have died..!!

"Safe and Effective"..????

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SEE IF I CARE

 

When people go get their eyes tested at an optician, wonder how many can't read the very top letter on the eye test board?

Bet the answer is NONE.

The top letter is always so gigantic and bold you'd be able to read it from across the street.

Makes you wonder why they have the top letter in the first place.

Perhaps it plays havoc with your iris when trying to re-focus on the remaining small letters.

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C IF I CARE

 

It's just a matter of time...!!!

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XINGER @ C

 

10 blank decades.

Dead for 100 years.

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ADVERTISERS - GO FxCK YOURSELVES

 

Updated X logo..!!

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MATCH OF THE WORDPLAY

 

Decades have passed, and yet nothing has been done about the blatant false presentation by UK's pro football Leagues.

Prior to the Leagues being re-vamped & re-named, they all had correct status.

Division 1

Division 2

Division 3

etc

Then the bozos got involved, and did what they usually do, make idiots of themselves and try "word" their way through a change of plan.

Although the Leagues ended up being run by different organisations, the Leagues still function as one connected unit with relegation & promotion just as before.

So they basically re-named Division 1 the "Premier League".

That's fine, the definition of premier is "first in rank".

However, because the bozos can't do things correctly, the rest is nonsense.

Division 2 became known as League Championship, Division 3 became League 1, and so on.

Champion means victor, No.1, top, best, first in rank.

How can you be relegated from first in rank (Premier) to first in rank (Championship)?

The words make it gibberish.

League 1 is now in third position.??!!

1 isn't the same as 3. First doesn't equal third. Top doesn't mean below.

How can you be promoted from first in rank (League 1) to first in rank (Championship)?

It's gibberish too.

Only the TOP league can be called either the Premier, Championship or League 1, everything else under the top position starts from No.2 downwards.

The bozos tried to turn it into something that it isn't.

In this case, applying false status by using false descriptions.

What an own goal..!!

Meanwhile, the facts will always be there to remind everyone that the Leagues are merely one functional unit divided into different sections. That's what "Division" means ... duh..!!

Definitions of words and simple arithmetic remind you too.

I think I feel a football chant coming on ... "You Don't Know What You're Doing..."

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MONEY MAKES THE THUMBS GO 'ROUND

 

Those who have, or are in control of lots of money (and I mean the billions & trillions level) never seem to have the slightest clue as to what to do with it.

It reaches the stage where they have so much, it becomes meaningless, and so nothing on the planet has any value to them, including the money they control.

They seem to only want to waste it on nothing, rather than spend it on something.

It all ends up evaporating because they use it for wars, bribes, tacky trash, useless concepts, thumb-twiddling organizations and other such ludicrous emptiness.

They don't have ONE good idea.

It's like they need billions & trillions to have a staring-out contest..!!

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